Nirvana

Tomorrow is the first day of 2011. Crazy, I know. I'm not sure how or why time goes by so fast, but I wish it would slow down. I wish time would just chill out a bit so my life wouldn't feel like it zooms by. Some folks may like this, but I'm not one of them.

It's kind of fascinating to me how everyone feels like there is this big fresh start at the beginning of a new year. It makes sense I guess. The new calendar year can feel like a breath of fresh air, a chance to start over...be a better person. You'll inevitably promise yourself that you'll quit that bad habit that's been following you around, start a new and exciting hobby, or lose those ten pounds. Crazy part is these resolutions only seem to last for a few weeks, maybe months if you're really dedicated. In truth, we'll more than likely slide back into our old habits and 2011 will very closely resemble 2010.

Ok, I'm being Debbie Downer here, but I do have a point. Why not do away with the resolutions and instead start revamping the way we think? Why not look at 2011 as an opportunity to think outside the box? Stop looking at life in these parameters of what we're supposed to do and start doing what truly makes us happy.

I'm Annoyed.

Doesn't it feel good sometimes to vent?

I mean just really blow off some steam and gripe about your crappy day, whine about your run down car or that co-worker that really gets under your nerves?  I'm not one to keep my feelings hidden, so I find this process is absolutely necessary in my life and almost therapeutic. Trust me, it's better for everyone if I do this because I might end up even wackier if I had to keep my mouth shut. Lucky for my husband, he gets to listen to my craziness.

Unfortunately he isn't home. So I've got no other choice but to whine right here, on my blog, in a little segment called "I'm Annoyed".

I'm annoyed...

at the local news for reporting about every kitten massacre this side of the Mississippi.

at my dog for puking on either my bed or couch at least once a week.

Don't be afraid, we keep him indoors.

Fairtrade Love meets Christmas

Check your calendars kids, Christmas is less than two weeks away. (Really, I'm not kidding. Look for yourself.)

Don't be scared, I've got a great list of lovely gifts for all you last minute shoppers. The really awesome part is that every gift listed here is a gift that gives twice! That means each and every one of these gifts will not only delight the person who receives it, but also empower the individual who made it. Nope, you won't find any sweatshop products here my friends.

Lookin' good.

Last week I decided that my little puppy Charlie, aka Chubs, needed his very own "ugly Christmas sweater".

You know what I'm talking about--that horrible bright red holiday sweater from the '80's with the sequins, cotton puffs, and bells? Ya, you've got one in your closet too.

So I got my creative juices flowing and within a few hours I created this masterpiece.

He loves it.

And now it is officially Christmas time.

One year.

One year ago today my biggest dream came true.

One year ago today I stepped into the unknown and took the greatest risk of my life.

One year ago today I was changed forever.

One year ago today I left for Uganda.

It's hard to believe one year has already passed. It seems like yesterday. I hope I never forget that giddy feeling I felt on the morning of December 5th. I woke up before dawn and was like a kid on Christmas morning. No, scratch that. I was like ten kids rolled into one. The day had finally arrived and it was one I didn't think would ever happen. (True story: I almost had to cancel the whole trip just a few days before)

Seventeen Weeks

I saw this cute pregnancy survey on another blog and I thought it would be a fun way to keep track of this little baby bump. So here goes!

How far along? 17 weeks today! (I can't believe it's going so fast!)

How big is baby? Well according to my new favorite website Baby Center, the little one is about the size of a turnip this week and already 5 inches long. I know I'll look back on this and laugh, but that seems huge to me right now!

Total weight gain: Up 7 lbs at my appointment last week. I was expecting a lot more, considering I've been pounding donuts, so I'm pretty happy!

Christmas time!

Our town had a Christmas festival the other night so we bundled up and went down to check it out. The mayor gave a speech, the local choir sang Christmas carols, and the local dance studio performed The Nutcracker. There was hot chocolate, eggnog, coffee and cupcakes. And it was all FREE!!

The coolest part of the night happened when the entire crowd joined together to sing Silent Night. We all held these pretty little candles.

It was magical.

Grad School Disappointment

My first semester of graduate school is winding down and I can't help but feel disappointed in my experience so far.

It started out with a bang in August. I was so excited to actually start something I had been tossing and turning over for a long time. I wanted to jump in head first, so I quit my job and decided to dedicate myself to school full time. I felt like I was finally on the right track...But things went down hill pretty fast after the first few weeks.

The class I was most excited about turned out to be a complete joke. The professor for this course is unlike any I have ever met. While things started out on a positive note, it didn't take long for me to realize that this guy is absolutely crazy. He literally came to class one night furious because he was sick, but had to come anyway to teach us. I've never been lectured by a professor, but I seriously felt like I was getting scolded by my Grandpa, only this one is foreign and has a very strong accent.

That was only the beginning and things got worse from that point on. Since then, every class has been full of his personal opinions and anti-USA rants and raves. I can honestly say I have not learned one thing, other than what I'm getting out of my reading, which is pretty dismal. He spends every three hour class going over why he hates the US government, our military, and our traditions. Last week he spent a good half hour telling us why he hates Thanksgiving and that it's a silly little American holiday...

I'm completely disappointed and let down. I was so excited about this class and all the wonderful things I would learn. And now, as the semester draws to a close, I can't help but feel cheated. I'm not excited about graduate school anymore and I'm wondering if I made the right choice by leaving my old job for this...I know I shouldn't let this guy and this class throw me completely off track, but right now my heart just isn't in it...

Oh vey.

Live Life. I Dare Ya.

I have a confession to make: I'm addicted to thinking, but in a way that may be borderline unhealthy.

I'm an Over-Thinker, which means I have to weigh out the pros and cons of just about any decision-big or small-and I never stop thinking. I'm always thinking up some new and exciting career, or dreaming about what area of the world I'd like to see next. (And when I say next, I mean get on a plane tomorrow and go. I spend way too much time thinking about this one.) But the problem is being bold enough to act.

I've always admired those who can simply make a spontaneous decision and roll with it. I love the idea of 'living in the moment', but isn't always so easy. And when I say 'live in the moment' I mean live without hesitation, fear, or regret.

Going to Africa last year was me 'living in the moment'. It was a dream come true and an experience that taught me what it really means to seize the day. It means pushing aside fear and uncertainty in order to reach your dreams. It's an exhilarating rush and one that I've come to crave.


So why don't more people do this? Why is it so hard? I think society wants us to feel trapped by rules that we impose on ourselves and follow without question. We're taught the right thing to do is play it safe and float through life without creating too many ripples. We need that 9 to 5 to feel 'normal'. Don't take risks, color outside the lines, or break tradition. Listen to what others tell you to do and don't ask questions. Sure, you may have dreams but that's all they'll ever be.

That kind of life is my #1 fear. And it should be yours too. I don't want to be someone who constantly lives in stress and anxiety over the unknown. I want to take life by the tail, drag it behind me and show it who's boss. I want to take risks, pursue my dreams and break free from notions of impracticality. I want to live life on my own terms.

So tonight, as I ponder my own dreams and goals, I'd ask that you do the same thing. What is it that YOU want to do with your life? What dreams have you not yet accomplished? Are you happy? I'd encourage you to think about your reaction to these questions and squash any negative thoughts that creep in behind. Don't let yourself even go there. You'll probably start to stress out right away, because your conscious is telling you Nope, It Can't Happen, Move On. But here is your opportunity to give that guy a stiff slap across the face and Start Living Life.

Do it, I dare you.

P.S. If you need more motivation to get moving check out the lovely Ashley over at the Middle Finger Project.

Baking is Love.

I've been doing a lot of baking lately. While I am addicted to eating the little treats I create, I'm more in love with the whole process of it all.

Finding an old recipe my Grandma used years ago.

Gathering the ingredients.

Putting on a super cute apron.

Warming the oven and essentially the entire house.

Measuring (and obviously spilling) ingredients.

Mixing.

Taste testing. Many times over.

Scooping out perfectly sized treats.

Watching it take shape as it bakes in the oven.

Smelling the goodness that only baking can create.

Proudly displaying my creation.

It's a process I've come to adore. It's therapeutic, relaxing and rewarding. And I can't quite relate to someone who doesn't agree.

Ezra's Story

This precious little guy is Ezra. He is currently in the fight for his life.

Ezra and his family have been battling an agressive form of cancer, neuroblastoma, for the past year and his story is compelling. I just wanted to share their website, The Matthews Story, and encourage you to pray for this family.

He hasn't been doing well the past few weeks and is struggling to survive at this moment. His story makes me realize more than ever what is and isn't important in this life.

Please pray for this little one and his family, they need it now more than ever.

Don't Ask. Don't Tell...Let's Get Over It

The recent GOP landslide that took place Tuesday night most likely means bad news for opponents of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy that has reared its ugly head for the past seventeen years.

Just a few months ago Senate Republicans blocked an effort by Obama and Democrats to lift the ban on gays from serving openly in the military. With the recent Republican gains in both the Senate and House, repealing this ban may be incredibly difficult.

This debate has a long history that dates back to 1778, when Lieutenant Gotthold Frederick Enslin was the first soldier discharged from the the Continental Army for sodomy.

I'll give you the short version:

Just before World War II the US added psychiatric screening to its induction process and homosexuals were snuffed out. This was followed by years of ugly debate and 'undesirable discharges' for homosexuals in the military. So in 1982 the Department of Defense enacted a policy stating that "homosexuality was clearly incompatible with military service" and anyone engaging in it would be discharged. So along comes President Bill Clinton in 1993, who issued the "Don't Ask. Don't Tell" policy, which was intended to be a compromise and meant that any male or female entering the military could not be asked about sexual orientation. So if you are homosexual, by all means keep your mouth shut or you may be discharged.

And that pretty much brings us to 2010.

I simply don't get it. Why shouldn't gays be allowed to serve openly in the military? And how is it that an openly gay man may be discharged from the military if his sexual orientation is revealed? It isn't right.

I admire those that are brave enough to sacrifice everything in their life to serve the USA in war. I believe who you love isn't any of my business and it certainly shouldn't prevent you from serving our country. I'm not picky and I don't think any of us should be when it comes to who can or cannot protect our freedoms.

Lots of people argue that homosexuals disrupt military life. Here's a thought: maybe it isn't the homosexuals causing the problem, but those who choose to harass and torment these individuals. I believe a cohesive military unit begins with respect.

I'm not in the military and I probably don't have much room to talk about this. But I simply believe that gays should be allowed to serve openly, just like anyone else. It's amazing to me that these men and women would even want to serve a country that doesn't allow them 100% of the rights given to a straight man. Pretty incredible.

So I wonder if the US will ever join Germany, Australia, France, England, Spain and all the other countries that allow openly gay individuals to serve in the military? Doesn't look to be on the horizon any time soon.

Democratic "shellacking" & The Future

Last night's mid-term elections proved to not only send a clear message to our dear Mr. President, but will also go down in the record books with a big red bang. It has been over seventy years since the House had such a dramatic party turnover. No one can deny the message that follows a night like this: Americans are fed up.

The GOP gained the majority in the House by picking up over 60 seats, therefore snatching the monopoly of power away from the Dems, who narrowly maintained the Senate. We're going to see a balance of power in the Congress over the next two years and I believe it will be a good thing for Obama, who now has his first real opportunity to live up to his bipartisanship promises.

Despite what some critics say, this election was a landslide and symbolizes how the American people feel about Obama, his policies, and how Congress has acted over the past two years. This GOP victory is largely due to the fire and spunk behind tea party activists across the nation, who I think have gotten a bad rap over the past several months. The media loves to showcase the crazies of any party and stations like CNN have made it their mission to report on any and every tea party supporter who acts like a fool. While there are some who are in fact crazy, the vast majority of these tea party members are hard working middle class Americans who believe banks should not be bailed out, government should have a limited role in our lives, and wasteful federal spending should be squashed. I think the whole tea party label should be done away with, simply because too many people associate this with the crazy bearded man holding a pitch fork in one hand and a rifle in the other. Let's replace that image with the small town woman who started a little cupcake business and is fighting to keep her head above water.

The question now is how will this affect you and me? The first thing that comes to mind is healthcare. Many of the Republicans elected last night promised to work towards repealing Obama's healthcare bill. I don't think that's possible, as some Republicans support aspects of the bill, (such as not being dropped for pre-existing illness) but I do believe we will see some serious cuts in spending here and major changes to this newly founded policy.

Secondly, I think Obama will have to adapt his policies to reflect a more conservative base, much like Clinton did after the so-called Republican Revolution of the 1994 election. Ultra conservative Rush Limbaugh predicts that "Obama's not going to slow down. Obama's not going to moderate, he's not gonna go incremental." I have to disagree with him here, because I believe Obama has no choice but to scale back his plans and work with the Republicans. Likewise, Republicans will have to meet Obama in the middle and find some common ground. Their first opportunity will come when Congress decides whether or not to extend the Bush tax cuts that will soon expire.

Needless to say, it should be an interesting two years and hopefully we can squeeze some jobs out of it.

I think it's exactly what the doctor ordered for the good ol US of A.

Elections & Orange Chicken

The mid-term elections are coming up next week and I'm actually pretty excited to see what happens. I wouldn't call myself a news junkie, but I do watch a good hour or two of news each day and frequent the BBC website multiple times a week. I do my best to see both sides of the issues so I try to flip back and forth between CNN and Fox News, but I always watch the O'Reilly Factor while I'm cooking dinner, it's actually become a bit of a tradition in my house.

So I'm pretty jazzed about Tuesday night. There has been so much debate about which side is going to win, Donkeys vs. Elephants, and I'm just glad to finally see the end of this. Everyone's got their big concerns: the economy, the war, taxes, jobs, ect and this election is going to be a significant indicator of which way things will go over the next two years.

Another reason I'm glad this election is almost over? COMMERCIALS! I mean really, how many more ugly political ads can I endure? I think I've reached my limit and I'm ready to see them disappear...I can't believe I'm going to say it, but I'm actually looking forward to the Christmas commercials. Eek. I'll also be happy to see the little annoying signs go away, you know the ones that are practically stacked on top of each other on the side of the road or in front of the library. Do they really think 10 neon yellows signs will change my mind?

Back in 2008 the Hubster and I ordered a whole mess of take-out Chinese food for the night of the Presidential election. We stayed up super late watching all the numbers roll in and it ended up being a really fun night. (Yes, we are nerds!) So our plan is to re-create that night this Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to a big ol' plate of Chinese food and cuddling up on the coach with my boy as we watch everyone freak out as results come in.

Perspective is everything.

The hubster and I were in the fabulous town of Steamboat Springs, Colorado not too long ago. It's one of my favorite places in the world and I suggest you add it to your bucket list if you haven't visited. It is seriously awesome. For me, it's one of those places that just demands that I slow down and think...think about myself, life, my future, everything. I always come away from Steamboat feeling refreshed and better prepared to take on life. This last trip was no different and I realized something about myself: I'm always in a hurry.

For a long time now I've been focused on 'figuring myself out'. I've been obsessed with finding my 'path' in life and in many ways it's actually made me crazy. I'm always trying to figure out my plan and constantly checking myself to make sure I'm working towards a goal. And I'm always in a hurry, always. I'm probably the most impatient person in the world. I know, it's not a good thing.

While this mentality has actually helped me achieve a lot of my personal dreams, it has also been somewhat exhausting. I find myself always looking to tomorrow and not necessarily focusing 100% on today. I think this kind of thinking can only lead me to never be totally satisfied with where I'm at or what I'm doing in life. Which is ironic, because I'm the one who is always saying, "Live for today, don't worry about tomorrow." I guess I wasn't listening to myself.

So I decided it's high time for me to slow the heck down and realize I don't have to scratch everything off my bucket list tomorrow. I want to cut myself some slack and dare I say it...be ok with failure. I often feel ashamed of my past failures, things I've started with all the optimism in the world only to fall flat on my face. But this trip to Steamboat actually made me thankful for those failures. Crazy, I know. My perspective changed completely and I started to realize that everything I've done has put me where I am today. (This is actually harder to do than it sounds, really.) I'm pretty tickled with life right now, I just need to calm down a little so I can enjoy it.

So thank you Steamboat, for your thought provoking landscapes and your oversized cinnamon rolls. You are lovely.

This totally rocks.

Wowa! I haven't written in a while, huh? I'm sorry internet, life seems to have kept me rather busy lately!

Anyway, I just wanted to share something that totally and completely rocks! As you might remember, I started a little social business called Sis Hope, which works to lower the high rates of menstrual related absenteeism among school age girls in rural Uganda. I've partnered with a super awesome group, Afri Pads, that employs local women in Uganda to sew reusable cloth menstrual pads which are then distributed at local schools and health clinics for a really affordable price. Disposable sanitary napkins are rather expensive in Uganda and most girls simply cannot afford to buy them, so they resort to using ineffective homemade materials that just don't cut it when it comes to Aunt Flow. Unfortunately, these girls stay home from school during the week of their period because they simply do not have an effective way to manager their period. They fall behind in their school work and many eventually drop out. So this is where these affordable, reusable pads come in from Afri Pads. Girls can afford to buy these pads, which can actually be washed and reused for an entire year, without one bit of trash. Awesome, right?

Well we partnered with Afri Pads because there were still girls who, despite the lower costs, were still unable to afford the pads. So that is where Sis Hope comes in. Check it out at www.sishope.com. You can find a ton of information about this issue and what we're doing to help. It's pretty awesome.

So this weekend a group of girls at the Ndegeya Vocational School for Children with Special Needs in Uganda were given menstrual kits from Sis Hope. Now these girls can stay in school everyday, even during their period. It makes my heart smile.

Happiness is this right here.

{He is unusually photogenic, can't you tell?}

I have to admit that I'm pretty obsessed with my husband. We grew up together and my first memory of him dates back to the 2nd grade. He was two years older than me in school and I remember seeing him in the hallway on class picture day. He came to school in a big cowboy hat and I can remember thinking, "Who is that weirdo?" No joke. This actually happened. We never got around to talking to each other until I was 15, but the rest is history.

So anyway, it would be safe to say that since the age of 15 I have been obsessed with this guy. (And incredibly blessed) We got married young. I was 20, he was 22. People gave us crap about it, insisting we were too young and didn't know enough about life to get married. Family and even close friends thought we were nuts. We knew we were taking a huge leap of faith, but we were crazy about each other and it was all we wanted. Sidenote here: I've never understood people's annoyance, even anger, with couples getting married young. It's almost like we're doing something offensive. Why not just be happy for two people who love each other? Please leave your opinions at home if you can't do that, thanks.

We've been married for almost four years now and I cannot believe how amazing it is. It was the best thing I ever did. He is my best friend, the funnest person I know (even when he does his weirdo face in cute pictures like this one) and the only person I could spend 24/7 with. We're obsessed with spending time together, I mean even to the point of being ridiculous. We love going grocery shopping together, cooking together, and we never listen to the radio in the car because we can't stop talking. Now I'm not saying we're the Brady Bunch here, we argue from time to time like anyone. But thankfully we're too worried about "wasting time" to do that very often.

You might say we're crazy, even a little clingy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We will never be the couple that takes separate vacations or spends more than one or two nights apart-that is unless it was absolutely unavoidable. And even then we'd probably freak out.

But this is my happiness. And it is the greatest thing ever.

Missing Uganda

I can't stop thinking about Uganda today. It blows my mind to think that it has been nearly a year since I was there. I left in early December, and here it is half way through September. How did that time pass so quickly?

It's amazing how deeply my heart aches for that place. Looking through pictures of the trip almost makes me need to cry. Ok, I'm a bit of an emotional head case at times, but this is how I feel about it every time I think of Uganda. I can still smell the breeze, taste that amazing tea, and feel the African sun on my skin. But even more I can see the smiles of the young children, screaming "Muzungo!" and reaching for my hand. It feels like yesterday, yet it feels so far away.

Uganda put a spell on me. It completely changed the way I think about life. I can remember stressing before the trip, wondering if this was a good choice. Sure, I had always wanted to go, but this girl grew in a tiny town (I'm talking 24 in my senior class) and few people I knew had traveled out of the US, so Africa was out of the question . People thought it was crazy and super dangerous. (Remember the LRA? Kidnappings, murder, rape...Ya, Uganda has a brutal past) I couldn't help but feel the same at times. Africa seemed like a different planet, far away from home and all the securities I was used to.

To make matters worse, a lot of my plans fell through about a week before I was supposed to leave. I found myself scrambling to find a place to stay and new hosts. It was crazy. At one point I even talked to the airline about getting a refund. I was crushed. Everyone was telling me not to go. I remember that turmoil and feeling like my dream was so close, yet slipping through my fingers.

Long story short I put my big girl panties on and made it happen. I wasn't about to let my dream disappear. I can remember thinking that if I made it through Uganda I could die a happy lady and have no regrets.

Taking that leap of faith was the best choice I ever made. It was where I started Sis Hope, where I found myself, and where I realized life is what we make it. And now I can die a happy lady.

I can only hope to return to that magical place one day.

Rape as a weapon of war in Congo

Girls as young as seven are being raped in Congo. I'm pissed and I've got something to say about it.

"While the primary responsibility for protection of civilians lies with the state, its national army and police force, clearly, we have also failed," said Atul Khare, UN Assistant Secretary-General for Peacekeeping. Khare is talking about the mass rapes that have taken place in DR Congo over the past several weeks.

500. This figure is staggering, but it's the most recent reported number of victims raped by Rwandan and Congolese rebels. Rape is being used as a weapon of war and innocent women, children and even young boys are suffering because of it. But this isn't anything new for Congo.

In 2009 alone there were 8,000 reported rapes in this region, a number which is probably far below what actually occurred. It's become known as the "rape capital of the world", where systematic gang rapes have become part of everyday life for some.

I was recently reading a BBC report that mentioned the story of a young girl, only 15 years old, who survived a brutal year as a sex slave in Congo:

'Her experiences exemplify this complex war raging against women. She was abducted by 10 rebels from the Interahamwe group accused of carrying out the genocide in neighbouring Rwanda. They kept her for about a year as a sex slave.

''They would rape me in turns. It got to a point where I did not feel pain.''

They fed her when they wished and gave her water from their gumboots to drink. She soon became pregnant. The rebels said she would be set free once she had given birth.

''One day they tied me to a tree and tried to pull the baby out. The blood... it just kept flowing.'

She says she can no longer feel pain and relates all this in a detached manner - cold and emotionless - and then ties a colourful wraparound around her waist and walks away."

When I first read this I could feel my eyes well up with tears. How could something like this happen? Sadly, her story isn't unique. Hundreds, even thousands of girls and women in Congo can relate to her story. And that makes me furious.

I keep coming back to that question: How can this happen? Of the 500 rapes reported, 242 were in and around Luvungi, a village not far from a UN peacekeepers' camp. Recent reports have surfaced claiming the UN was actually notified that rebel forces in the area were carrying out rape. Yet, nothing was done. (Although I should mention the UN is denying any such claims. See report.) Either way, the United Nations’ peacekeeping mission in Congo, which costs more than a billion dollars a year, has failed to stop widespread violence against civilians.

So what is being done about these rapes, anything? I simply can't understand how the UN could not have known what was going on under their noses. And if the claims are true that they really weren't aware of these rapes, I have serious doubts about the UN's capability to execute it's mission. Unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly clear that the UN may be better suited to clean up after disasters, rather than prevent them.

I believe these rebels should be hunted down and justice served for those who so desperately deserve it. The sad truth is that may never happen and I can't help but wonder why justice seems to be a privilege of the rich?

(P.S. I want to make it clear that I have always been a big advocate for the UN. I have admired their work for many years, however I think it is important to raise critical questions such as these pertaining to the rapes in Congo.)

Exactly where I'm supposed to be...

So I've officially been a graduate student for three weeks now. And I have to say...I love it.

I'll be honest here, after my first class I had a moment of panic. Was I really ready to be back in the classroom? Was I prepared? Could I keep up with the enormous reading assignments? Luckily, I was able to take a step back, check my self-confidence and realize this is exactly where I'm supposed to be...

I've had some great, and some not so great, experiences over the past few years as I've ventured through my 'quarter life crisis'. I walked away from law school one week before orientation back in 2007 and since then I've been on a search to find myself and figure out what I really want in life. I've had a lot of highs and lows, from working at a shelter where I was seriously almost killed by an overweight twelve year old, to realizing a life long dream and visiting remote villages in Eastern Uganda. (An experience so beautiful and profound that I could never possibly describe it in words.)

I have to say that I don't believe my 'quarter life crisis' is over. I don't think it ever will be actually, and strangely enough that makes me happy. It isn't a crisis at all, but a blessing. While I do want direction and clearly defined goals, (which I finally have now) I don't ever want to stop questioning life. I want to always be in tune with soul and very aware of myself. I want to grow and know more than I knew yesterday. I want to live with pure, uninhibited emotions. I want my life to be an adventure.

It's been a roller coaster, but it was all meant to be. I'm so grateful to be where I am today. Graduate school has been amazing so far and I can't wait to see what happens in the future. I'm learning about things I'm so passionate about: human rights, international relations, social justice, Middle East politics, economic development, etc etc.

I dream of being a professor and inspiring students to not only be passionate about these same issues, but also be moved to act and create waves of positive change for future generations. What a beautiful thing that would be.

First day of class = hot, sweaty mess

I'm generally always running late. It's probably something I should seek professional help for because, no matter what I do, I always end up late. My first day of graduate school was no different...

I live about 25 miles from school, so I decided to leave my house an hour early just to give myself enough time to get to campus, find a parking space, and get in class with plenty of time to spare. It is still pretty hot here in good ol Colorado and my main goal was to make it to my first day of class without being drenched in sweat.

So I make my way to campus, maneuver around the massive parking lots, and after searching for a good ten minutes I find perfect spot, really close to my building. I squeeze my way in, grab my wallet and take off for the parking meter, which by the way is located on the exact opposite side of this huge parking lot.

When I finally make it to the meter I see a note stating: "THIS METER ACCEPTS CASH ONLY". I'm screwed. I never, ever carry cash. If I have cash on my it is probably an accident. So I have no choice but to take off for my car and either a) find a parking lot that does accept my debit card or b) go find an ATM. I decide that I'm better off going to the gas station down the road and getting some cash.

At this poing I'm pissed. I'm annoyed this meter won't take my card, mad at myself for never carrying even five bucks in my wallet, and to make matters worse I am sweating. By this time it is about 2:12 and my class starts at 2:30.

I almost kill a pedestrian, but make it the gas station in record time. I race to the ATM, where I pay a $3.00 charge to get out 20 bucks. (grrrr) Just as I'm flying out the door I remember the meter doesn't take bills over $20. Parking is $4.50, so I decide it would be fast to just get change and play it safe with smaller bills. I run up to the cashier, hold out my $20 and say "Can I get change for this?"

"We don't give no change hunny," she says with a big smile that showcases the three teeth she has.

"Please, I am running late, I really need change."

"Sorry, can't do it."

So I grab two packs of gum, slam them down on the counter and say, "OK, then I want to buy this gum!"

"Are you sure you want two packs of gum?" (She looks at me like I'm crazy for wanting two packs)

"YES!"

"Ok, whatever you say..."

She slowly takes my money and starts to count my change when she looks up at me asks, "Do you have seven cents?"

"No"

"Ok...well do you have a nickel?"

"No, please ma'am can you hurry? I'm runing late for class?

"Well ok, but I'm low on change and I'm gonna hafta count out a dollar in dimes here..."

At this point I'm freaking out. It is now almost 2:20 and I'm definitely going to be late for class.

Susie Q finally gets me my change, I sprint out the door, with my two packs of gum and pocket full of dimes, and take off for campus.

I get back to the same parking lot, find a spot, grab $4.50 from my wallet and run for the meter. I get there, put my stall number in, and just as I prepare to slide in my money I notice it says I owe $5.50. At this point I'm the biggest idiot in the world, because I only took exact change to the meter (thinking I could run faster without my wallet in hand).

I have no choice but to run back to my car, grab my friggin wallet and sprint back to the meter. I'm basically on the verge of tears at this point.

Eventually, after exchaning some harsh words, I get the dang meter to accept my bills and I get my parking pass. I sprint back to my car, put it on the dash, grab my bag and take off for class.

I finally make it to class, where I walk in as a sweaty, hot mess just 30 seconds ahead of the professor.

And that my friends was my first day of graduate school.

My baby: Sis Hope

About nine months ago I started a social business called Sis Hope, which is dedicated to lowering the high rates of menstrual related absenteeism among school age girls in Uganda.

It all started back in a little village outside of Mbale, Uganda, where I first learned that girls were staying home from school during their period. Yep, it's true. A teen girl gets her period and simply stays home from school for the duration of the week. Why? Because she doesn't have access to affordable menstrual products.

Most girls and women resort to using ineffective materials such as treebark and pieces of newspaper which, of course, fail miserably at preventing embarrassing leaks and stains. So girls stay home during their period, about five days a month, and over time begin to fall further and further behind in their school work.

Surprisingly this issue doesn't get a lot of attention. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because we're talking about menstruation and that still gives people the ibby jeebies. I don't get it. Half the world menstruates and I believe strongly that girls should not have to miss out on their education simply because they don't have a tampon. And we shouldn't be ashamed to talk about it.

Check out the website if you want to learn more about Sis Hope. To be honest, it has been an incredible learning experience for me. But the sad truth is I've had a difficult time getting it off the ground. I'm basically doing it alone and just don't have the time to really make it what it should be. Right now I'm considering whether or not I should move on or keep plugging away at it. But it's hard folks. Lots of blood, sweat, and tears has gone into this endeavor. (Ok, maybe not blood but you get the idea) I've had lots of ups and downs, but I'm proud to say that Sis Hope has distributed over 600 pads to girls and women in Uganda. I'm not sure if my journey ends there, but I'll keep you updated!

The Bomb Behind World Humanitarian Day

Today is World Humanitarian Day. It's actually only the second year this day has been recognized to honor humanitarian aid workers who have been killed or injured in the course of their work, and it all started with the deadly Baghdad bombings that killed 22 United Nations staff members.

On August 19, 2003 a bomb tore through the United Nations headquarters, the Canal Hotel, in Baghdad, Iraq. The blast targeted the United Nations Assistance Mission, injured over 100 people and 22 killed, including Sérgio Vieira de Mello. Mello, a UN Special Representative, was a Brazilian diplomat who worked for the for more than 34 years. Following his death he was awarded the United Nations Prize in the Field of Human Rights.

This was only the beginning. A second bombing at the Canal Hotel followed on September 22, 2003. An Iraqi policeman and 19 others, including UN workers, were injured. This led to the evacuation of more than 600 UN aid workers from Baghdad. A small staff of aid workers did not return until August 2004.

So that is the story behind World Humanitarian Day. I have the upmost respect and admiration for aid workers and believe strongly in their work. Let's use this day to honor their lives.

My New Wheels!

So my birthday was few weeks back and look what I got! The hubs restored my grandma's bike from the '50s (yes, the 1950s!) with new tires and a comfy new seat! He left the paint as is, chipped and all, but I think that gives it more character. There's even an old sticker on it. I LOVE IT!

It's so fun to ride and it makes me feel like I'm cruisin' back in time. Every time I'm on it I think of what things were like for my grandma when she rode it. She was well into her 30s at the time, with a husband and five children. I can't help but wonder what kind of adventures she took this bike on...

I do know one thing--she rode it through a bunch of wet asphalt, which still remains stuck under the fender. If she was anything like me, she was probably running late and had no other choice but to drive directly through the asphalt!

Is Charity Helping or Hurting Africa?

I recently finished the book Dead Aid by Dambisa Moyo, which confronts head on one of "the greatest myths of our time: that billions of dollars in aid sent from wealthy countries to developing African nations has helped to reduce poverty and increase growth." She claims that aid has done much more harm that good and at this point is even the cause of poverty. (I wrote a little review here.)

While I don't completely agree with Moyo and think her views are a little extreme, it does have me thinking. What is aid and why is it so ineffective? What makes development sustainable? Why do Westerners feel as if Africa needs 'saving'?

While in Uganda I saw firsthand how ineffective aid can be. One of the big issues there, like much of sub-Saharan Africa, is access to clean water. Millions are dying simply because they don't have access to a clean water source. One day I learned that an NGO went into this little village I was visiting and put in a water well. Great. Everyone was rejoicing and so excited to have clean water, now they wouldn't have to worry about getting sick.

Pretty soon the NGO left and life was back to normal. Not long after this the water well broke. No one in the village knew how to fix it, no one had the money to repair it, and so it just sat there-useless. The people in the village were now back to drinking contaminated water.

I'm always reminded of this story when I think of aid. While I admire the NGO for their desire to help the people in that village, we must all start to rethink this whole idea of 'helping'. I think it is so important for Westerners to stop thinking we have all the answers and listen first.

I think it would be great to see a revolution in aid that starts first with respect. When we start seeing each other as equals, and realize we can actually learn a lot from one another, we can then build on a relationship. Those villagers in Uganda were some of the brightest and most resilient people I've ever met in my life. They deserve to have a voice.

I guess I've been a tad bit annoyed lately with charity. I'm really tired of seeing the posters with pictures of babies with swollen bellies and flies in their eyes. There has to be a better way. Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not against charity, I'm actually a huge advocate for it, and I believe if one person's life was changed forever it is all worth it. BUT I also think we have to approach it differently if we hope to see any sustainable progress.

So what do you think?

Female Genital Cutting: The Debate Rages On

Female genital cutting is an issue that doesn't get the attention it deserves.

The World Health Organization estimates that 100-140 million women around the world have been subject to genital cutting. It's still prevalent in 28 countries, most of which are in Africa, where these practices are carried out in a barbaric, and often deadly manner with the use of razor blades and broken pieces of glass.

It's done for a variety of reasons--some are hygienic, while others use it to ward of sexuality, some see it as a rite of passage into womanhood.

The newest debate around this issue concerns the involvement of doctors and medical staff. More and more families are now asking doctors to carry out the cut, in the hope that this will make it safer. Research shows the use of sterile equipment and antibiotics cut the risk of immediate complications by 70%, so it would make sense that families, who intend only to cut--not kill--their daughters, would ask a doctor to carry out the task.

So that is where the debate lies. If families start seeking professional medical attention in order to cut their daughters, does that make it acceptable? Should doctors even consider doing such a thing?

When I read this article I was immediately reminded of the stories I heard about female cutting while in Uganda. Stories of women holding down screaming girls as young as three and basically mutilating them with a razor blade, with no pain medication at all. Some bled to death, while others got off with a bad infection. It's unimaginable. I can't even comprehend what this would be like. I think it is a brutal practice, regardless of doctor involvement.

My first thought is no, doctors should not be involved at all, because by doing so they are supporting this horrible practice.

But that can't be the answer.

IF doctors refuse to be involved that only means these women will carry their daughters back into those old traditions, with nothing but a rusty razor blade.

The lesser of the two evils is getting the doctors involved. And in a lot of ways it can be seen as a step in the right direction: IF they HAVE to be cut, then they should be doing it in the safest environment possible. As much as I'd like to see this stop completely TODAY, the reality is that this tradition is deep in tribal and spiritual roots and there is much work to be done if we hope to see an end to this brutal practice.

Back to School??

Ok, so I'm starting school next week.

Graduate school. Full time.

I technically started about a year ago, but only took one class and decided I wasn't quite ready to make the commitment. Sometimes I do that...

BUT I'm ready now and the big day is almost here. I start next Monday! Holy cow. I'm working on my masters in international relations and honestly, I'm pretty jazzed about it. I actually love school, but ever since my almost fatal run in with law school I'm just a little cautious.

So I'm starting to mentally prep myself for going back to school. I'm trying to get myself back in the groove, but I've forgotten what exactly the groove is. It's been three years since undergrad, and yes I know that isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but to me it's an eternity. I'm also working on my social skills, preparing to meet new and possibly strange people. That's always fun.

Anyone ever notice how college students tend to be...grungy? Like they haven't seen a shower in a week and you can forget about the toothbrush, or the washing machine for that matter. I don't know, maybe that's just my experience, but I'm hoping graduate school is different. Surely, these are adults here, there can't possibly be any grunge left at this point. Right?

I guess we'll see!

Number 1

This is my first post. A little awkward...where to begin?

Hi world. I hope we can be friends.

Just a little warning here…I don’t always write with proper punctuation, grammar, context, or spelling. If you don’t like it, hit the road Jack.

To the rest of you: welcome! Grab a cup of joe and stay a while!

Phew, glad number 1 is over.

This One Chance to Live

I was just reading through my old journal from 2007 and saw this entry. It's so amazing how I can read something I wrote almost three years ago and still know exactly how I felt at that moment...

I wrote this after deciding not to go to law school. I had the summer off before I was going to start in the Fall, and it was my first vacation in two years. I was thrilled to do nothing but sleep in and read Mary Higgins Clark novels.

Two weeks in and my heart started screaming that something was wrong. It was like God pulled the wool from my eyes and I saw where my life was really headed. I realized law school wasn't what I wanted at all. In fact, I had no idea what I wanted.

I was pretty lost at this point, but I knew one thing: I dreamt of going to Africa...

This was only the beginning.

October 6, 2007

“I can’t believe I decided not to go…I can’t believe I’m not there right now. I know my family thinks I’m crazy. AM I? What am I going to do with my life now? I have no fricken plan!!

I need to just figure out who I am. I can't be a loser that does nothing with my life. I need to dig deeper into my soul than ever before. My short life hasn't revealed to my why I am am even here on this big round Earth. I want to figure that out…I have to.

I do know one thing, I have always dreamt of traveling the world, helping others, and myself really. I have only one life, one body, and this one chance to live and I'm just now realizing that. At times, I feel an empty spot in my heart…I have everything I could want, but I'm still searching for something. But why do I desire to find more? Why did I turn down law school? Was that a big mistake?

I feel this overwhelming desire to do something real with my life. Something that matters. I want to see the world and help people in need. It’s all out there, I just have to discover how to make it happen. Yet, I feel like this is a dream. A dream made impossible by jobs, money, worried family, obligations and the list goes on. How am I any different from the rest of the world, who long for more but feel trapped by everything? I realize with all my heart that to make my life everything it can be I have to step past that wall, into the unknown, and trust that the good Lord above has a plan for me.

I want more. I want to see the world. I want to know I made a difference for myself and others...

Maybe I’ll join the Peace Corps?”