This One Chance to Live

I was just reading through my old journal from 2007 and saw this entry. It's so amazing how I can read something I wrote almost three years ago and still know exactly how I felt at that moment...

I wrote this after deciding not to go to law school. I had the summer off before I was going to start in the Fall, and it was my first vacation in two years. I was thrilled to do nothing but sleep in and read Mary Higgins Clark novels.

Two weeks in and my heart started screaming that something was wrong. It was like God pulled the wool from my eyes and I saw where my life was really headed. I realized law school wasn't what I wanted at all. In fact, I had no idea what I wanted.

I was pretty lost at this point, but I knew one thing: I dreamt of going to Africa...

This was only the beginning.

October 6, 2007

“I can’t believe I decided not to go…I can’t believe I’m not there right now. I know my family thinks I’m crazy. AM I? What am I going to do with my life now? I have no fricken plan!!

I need to just figure out who I am. I can't be a loser that does nothing with my life. I need to dig deeper into my soul than ever before. My short life hasn't revealed to my why I am am even here on this big round Earth. I want to figure that out…I have to.

I do know one thing, I have always dreamt of traveling the world, helping others, and myself really. I have only one life, one body, and this one chance to live and I'm just now realizing that. At times, I feel an empty spot in my heart…I have everything I could want, but I'm still searching for something. But why do I desire to find more? Why did I turn down law school? Was that a big mistake?

I feel this overwhelming desire to do something real with my life. Something that matters. I want to see the world and help people in need. It’s all out there, I just have to discover how to make it happen. Yet, I feel like this is a dream. A dream made impossible by jobs, money, worried family, obligations and the list goes on. How am I any different from the rest of the world, who long for more but feel trapped by everything? I realize with all my heart that to make my life everything it can be I have to step past that wall, into the unknown, and trust that the good Lord above has a plan for me.

I want more. I want to see the world. I want to know I made a difference for myself and others...

Maybe I’ll join the Peace Corps?”