Perspective is everything.

The hubster and I were in the fabulous town of Steamboat Springs, Colorado not too long ago. It's one of my favorite places in the world and I suggest you add it to your bucket list if you haven't visited. It is seriously awesome. For me, it's one of those places that just demands that I slow down and think...think about myself, life, my future, everything. I always come away from Steamboat feeling refreshed and better prepared to take on life. This last trip was no different and I realized something about myself: I'm always in a hurry.

For a long time now I've been focused on 'figuring myself out'. I've been obsessed with finding my 'path' in life and in many ways it's actually made me crazy. I'm always trying to figure out my plan and constantly checking myself to make sure I'm working towards a goal. And I'm always in a hurry, always. I'm probably the most impatient person in the world. I know, it's not a good thing.

While this mentality has actually helped me achieve a lot of my personal dreams, it has also been somewhat exhausting. I find myself always looking to tomorrow and not necessarily focusing 100% on today. I think this kind of thinking can only lead me to never be totally satisfied with where I'm at or what I'm doing in life. Which is ironic, because I'm the one who is always saying, "Live for today, don't worry about tomorrow." I guess I wasn't listening to myself.

So I decided it's high time for me to slow the heck down and realize I don't have to scratch everything off my bucket list tomorrow. I want to cut myself some slack and dare I say it...be ok with failure. I often feel ashamed of my past failures, things I've started with all the optimism in the world only to fall flat on my face. But this trip to Steamboat actually made me thankful for those failures. Crazy, I know. My perspective changed completely and I started to realize that everything I've done has put me where I am today. (This is actually harder to do than it sounds, really.) I'm pretty tickled with life right now, I just need to calm down a little so I can enjoy it.

So thank you Steamboat, for your thought provoking landscapes and your oversized cinnamon rolls. You are lovely.

Happiness is this right here.

{He is unusually photogenic, can't you tell?}

I have to admit that I'm pretty obsessed with my husband. We grew up together and my first memory of him dates back to the 2nd grade. He was two years older than me in school and I remember seeing him in the hallway on class picture day. He came to school in a big cowboy hat and I can remember thinking, "Who is that weirdo?" No joke. This actually happened. We never got around to talking to each other until I was 15, but the rest is history.

So anyway, it would be safe to say that since the age of 15 I have been obsessed with this guy. (And incredibly blessed) We got married young. I was 20, he was 22. People gave us crap about it, insisting we were too young and didn't know enough about life to get married. Family and even close friends thought we were nuts. We knew we were taking a huge leap of faith, but we were crazy about each other and it was all we wanted. Sidenote here: I've never understood people's annoyance, even anger, with couples getting married young. It's almost like we're doing something offensive. Why not just be happy for two people who love each other? Please leave your opinions at home if you can't do that, thanks.

We've been married for almost four years now and I cannot believe how amazing it is. It was the best thing I ever did. He is my best friend, the funnest person I know (even when he does his weirdo face in cute pictures like this one) and the only person I could spend 24/7 with. We're obsessed with spending time together, I mean even to the point of being ridiculous. We love going grocery shopping together, cooking together, and we never listen to the radio in the car because we can't stop talking. Now I'm not saying we're the Brady Bunch here, we argue from time to time like anyone. But thankfully we're too worried about "wasting time" to do that very often.

You might say we're crazy, even a little clingy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We will never be the couple that takes separate vacations or spends more than one or two nights apart-that is unless it was absolutely unavoidable. And even then we'd probably freak out.

But this is my happiness. And it is the greatest thing ever.

Missing Uganda

I can't stop thinking about Uganda today. It blows my mind to think that it has been nearly a year since I was there. I left in early December, and here it is half way through September. How did that time pass so quickly?

It's amazing how deeply my heart aches for that place. Looking through pictures of the trip almost makes me need to cry. Ok, I'm a bit of an emotional head case at times, but this is how I feel about it every time I think of Uganda. I can still smell the breeze, taste that amazing tea, and feel the African sun on my skin. But even more I can see the smiles of the young children, screaming "Muzungo!" and reaching for my hand. It feels like yesterday, yet it feels so far away.

Uganda put a spell on me. It completely changed the way I think about life. I can remember stressing before the trip, wondering if this was a good choice. Sure, I had always wanted to go, but this girl grew in a tiny town (I'm talking 24 in my senior class) and few people I knew had traveled out of the US, so Africa was out of the question . People thought it was crazy and super dangerous. (Remember the LRA? Kidnappings, murder, rape...Ya, Uganda has a brutal past) I couldn't help but feel the same at times. Africa seemed like a different planet, far away from home and all the securities I was used to.

To make matters worse, a lot of my plans fell through about a week before I was supposed to leave. I found myself scrambling to find a place to stay and new hosts. It was crazy. At one point I even talked to the airline about getting a refund. I was crushed. Everyone was telling me not to go. I remember that turmoil and feeling like my dream was so close, yet slipping through my fingers.

Long story short I put my big girl panties on and made it happen. I wasn't about to let my dream disappear. I can remember thinking that if I made it through Uganda I could die a happy lady and have no regrets.

Taking that leap of faith was the best choice I ever made. It was where I started Sis Hope, where I found myself, and where I realized life is what we make it. And now I can die a happy lady.

I can only hope to return to that magical place one day.

Exactly where I'm supposed to be...

So I've officially been a graduate student for three weeks now. And I have to say...I love it.

I'll be honest here, after my first class I had a moment of panic. Was I really ready to be back in the classroom? Was I prepared? Could I keep up with the enormous reading assignments? Luckily, I was able to take a step back, check my self-confidence and realize this is exactly where I'm supposed to be...

I've had some great, and some not so great, experiences over the past few years as I've ventured through my 'quarter life crisis'. I walked away from law school one week before orientation back in 2007 and since then I've been on a search to find myself and figure out what I really want in life. I've had a lot of highs and lows, from working at a shelter where I was seriously almost killed by an overweight twelve year old, to realizing a life long dream and visiting remote villages in Eastern Uganda. (An experience so beautiful and profound that I could never possibly describe it in words.)

I have to say that I don't believe my 'quarter life crisis' is over. I don't think it ever will be actually, and strangely enough that makes me happy. It isn't a crisis at all, but a blessing. While I do want direction and clearly defined goals, (which I finally have now) I don't ever want to stop questioning life. I want to always be in tune with soul and very aware of myself. I want to grow and know more than I knew yesterday. I want to live with pure, uninhibited emotions. I want my life to be an adventure.

It's been a roller coaster, but it was all meant to be. I'm so grateful to be where I am today. Graduate school has been amazing so far and I can't wait to see what happens in the future. I'm learning about things I'm so passionate about: human rights, international relations, social justice, Middle East politics, economic development, etc etc.

I dream of being a professor and inspiring students to not only be passionate about these same issues, but also be moved to act and create waves of positive change for future generations. What a beautiful thing that would be.

My New Wheels!

So my birthday was few weeks back and look what I got! The hubs restored my grandma's bike from the '50s (yes, the 1950s!) with new tires and a comfy new seat! He left the paint as is, chipped and all, but I think that gives it more character. There's even an old sticker on it. I LOVE IT!

It's so fun to ride and it makes me feel like I'm cruisin' back in time. Every time I'm on it I think of what things were like for my grandma when she rode it. She was well into her 30s at the time, with a husband and five children. I can't help but wonder what kind of adventures she took this bike on...

I do know one thing--she rode it through a bunch of wet asphalt, which still remains stuck under the fender. If she was anything like me, she was probably running late and had no other choice but to drive directly through the asphalt!

Back to School??

Ok, so I'm starting school next week.

Graduate school. Full time.

I technically started about a year ago, but only took one class and decided I wasn't quite ready to make the commitment. Sometimes I do that...

BUT I'm ready now and the big day is almost here. I start next Monday! Holy cow. I'm working on my masters in international relations and honestly, I'm pretty jazzed about it. I actually love school, but ever since my almost fatal run in with law school I'm just a little cautious.

So I'm starting to mentally prep myself for going back to school. I'm trying to get myself back in the groove, but I've forgotten what exactly the groove is. It's been three years since undergrad, and yes I know that isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but to me it's an eternity. I'm also working on my social skills, preparing to meet new and possibly strange people. That's always fun.

Anyone ever notice how college students tend to be...grungy? Like they haven't seen a shower in a week and you can forget about the toothbrush, or the washing machine for that matter. I don't know, maybe that's just my experience, but I'm hoping graduate school is different. Surely, these are adults here, there can't possibly be any grunge left at this point. Right?

I guess we'll see!

This One Chance to Live

I was just reading through my old journal from 2007 and saw this entry. It's so amazing how I can read something I wrote almost three years ago and still know exactly how I felt at that moment...

I wrote this after deciding not to go to law school. I had the summer off before I was going to start in the Fall, and it was my first vacation in two years. I was thrilled to do nothing but sleep in and read Mary Higgins Clark novels.

Two weeks in and my heart started screaming that something was wrong. It was like God pulled the wool from my eyes and I saw where my life was really headed. I realized law school wasn't what I wanted at all. In fact, I had no idea what I wanted.

I was pretty lost at this point, but I knew one thing: I dreamt of going to Africa...

This was only the beginning.

October 6, 2007

“I can’t believe I decided not to go…I can’t believe I’m not there right now. I know my family thinks I’m crazy. AM I? What am I going to do with my life now? I have no fricken plan!!

I need to just figure out who I am. I can't be a loser that does nothing with my life. I need to dig deeper into my soul than ever before. My short life hasn't revealed to my why I am am even here on this big round Earth. I want to figure that out…I have to.

I do know one thing, I have always dreamt of traveling the world, helping others, and myself really. I have only one life, one body, and this one chance to live and I'm just now realizing that. At times, I feel an empty spot in my heart…I have everything I could want, but I'm still searching for something. But why do I desire to find more? Why did I turn down law school? Was that a big mistake?

I feel this overwhelming desire to do something real with my life. Something that matters. I want to see the world and help people in need. It’s all out there, I just have to discover how to make it happen. Yet, I feel like this is a dream. A dream made impossible by jobs, money, worried family, obligations and the list goes on. How am I any different from the rest of the world, who long for more but feel trapped by everything? I realize with all my heart that to make my life everything it can be I have to step past that wall, into the unknown, and trust that the good Lord above has a plan for me.

I want more. I want to see the world. I want to know I made a difference for myself and others...

Maybe I’ll join the Peace Corps?”